This should in fact be the last in this challenge but the letters do not fit. I started with the evolution of my appetite and tastes, this is about how events have conspired to quell and quench that same appetite.
When at the beginning I was a picky eater and would not eat many foods, I now find the same is happening. It has been a long process, but having tried to find solutions and answers to the various puzzles this has thrown up I can chart a course through the quenching of my appetite fires.
There are many reasons for loss of appetite. Illness scores high. Anorexia (not nervosa) is a symptom of many illnesses. I have been marginally ill most of my life. With a so-so immune system (which I blame on my mother I was the only one of three not breast fed:)I would be constantly away from school with bad tonsils and chests. My common colds were thick, heavy and long lasting often turning into coughs which settled on my lungs. Many a hot poultice was placed on me as a child. I was about five when I had my dose of antibiotics.
Despite this I escaped all the childhood diseases except chicken pox. This escape meant that when I went down with glandular fever in my early 20s I was forbidden to work with children for three years, as I was likely to catch every disease going. The year I was off full time employment after this illness was bad because I was stuffed full of antibiotics and pain killers.Soon after that I became allergic first to penicillin and then to sulphur based antibiotics. I also went down with my first major period of depression.
I continued going down with tonsillitis (it hadn’t been removed as a child because of the polio scare) and my chest infections were turning into bronchitis on a regular basis.
I was still eating well, as I travelled around the world, I had to cope with bronchitis, injury, dog attacks and dysentery. I lost weight because of illness regularly but always bounced back. Yo yo weight is not healthy but I mostly kept slim and active, walking, dancing, then gardening. Active jobs and plenty of energy to spare in the evenings. I was still young and cutting edge. Was invincible:)
Then I went to university in my 40s and became more desk bound with studies and the four hour drives each day. The exercise tailed off but I still felt fine. An early menopause and a startling change in body shape also.
Then I crashed to the ground breaking to much and spent 7 months in plaster, 12 months with a walking stick and altogether five operations! And lived on pain killers. My father died, my mother began a slow decline into PSP and we moved house. I rid myself of plaster and metal pins a month before the move. We had a bungalow built to our specifications, self build is as stressful as moving, just spread over a longer period. Mum was going downhill fast as was my sister’s sight. My sister and I decided to nurse Mum at home when the doctors told us she had a year at best. She outlived that prediction by another four years.
I couldn’t afford to be sick!
During this time I had my gall bladder removed.
Three months after Mum died I was diagnosed with cancer and had the whole female kit and caboodle removed.
Now, I knew my stuff.
Calories in, must equal calories out.
Gall bladder out, amount of fat eaten less.
Somehow this didn’t work, I cut the calories and the fat and my weight kept ballooning. I needed more exercise but by this time I had bad ankle and knees from the breaks and a fatigue which wouldn’t dissipate. I developed taste dysfunction and cooking became a brave step into the dark each time I performed, everything smelt rotten and tasted about the same, then the headaches began,that felt like a log chopping competition - a tooth root had penetrated my sinus cavity and half my head was infected, another operation and more pills. These operations were coming in at 18 month intervals approximately. Then a year later heart failure and a depression out of control. Weight gain that never stopped.
I was now on pills every day. Half of which apparently could affect appetite and taste. By then my calorie count had plummeted because I no longer felt hunger. I have never been able to eat without hunger. After a short break when food began to smell okay again my taste is now vanishing for a second time. After a brief time when, heeding the medical advice, I forced myself back onto more calories I have again lost my appetite. The amount I eat each day depends a great deal on that hunger mechanism which involves not only the digestive system but eyes, nose and mouth. Now I have indigestion as well. I had never had it in my life before a few months ago.
What has caused this sorrowful decline, stress, pills, old age (I’m not actually that old:)To many anaesthetics and drugs. I’m not sure a cocktail of them all. I used to joke when I was young and cutting edge that I was ruining my future health. Shouldn’t joke about such things, there is always a bored god on mount Olympus ready to spear one:) Ready to diminish and wreck a complacent one!
I do still enjoy many foods, this time around meat and vegetables have kept their taste and everything with any kind of sweetness in it is going, not just chocolate but also some fruits.
I shall be reduced to non-food sooner than I would like!!
Something amongst my life has led to the crash in my digestive system. It has taken me by surprise. I never expected it to be so. But then, when do we ever expect these demises.
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